Not Quite Mom's Day for York Couple due to Adopt Bulgarian

Josh and Michelle Seitzer in the room that will likely be their adopted child's. The couple is trying to adopt a child from Bulgaria. Photo by York Daily Record

Josh and Michelle Seitzer decided now is the right time, and are planning to adopt their first child from Bulgaria.

By Bill Landauer
York Daily Record/Sunday News

 

Michelle Seitzer is expecting.

She's about eight months along. She doesn't know if it'll be a boy or a girl.

Or if it'll be a newborn or a six-year-old.

Michelle and her husband, Josh, are adopting a child from Bulgaria. Michelle won't experience the pain of carrying a child to term, but the paperwork sure is daunting. And while Michelle and her husband won't be biological parents, both say that doesn't matter.

Right now, they're waiting. In a few months, they will hop a plane to an eastern European nation they've only read about. Then, they'll sign yet another in a series of mile-high stacks of paper. Then, they'll go to an orphanage and see the child -- their child -- for the first time.

After that, Josh and Michelle say their lives aren't important any more.

All that will matter will be the child.

The couple has been married for eight years, six of which they've lived in York. He teaches welding and metal fabrication at the York County School of Technology. She is a freelance writer and editor.

Boston terriers named Peaka and Balou scurry across their hardwood floors. In one of the family photos that cover the walls on the second floor, Michelle cradles one like an infant.

"We celebrate their birthdays," she said.

The Seitzers keep lists -- home improvement projects they want to complete and life goals are all either written down somewhere in their heads. They've taken plenty of trips, had adventures and reached places in their careers. The next item on the list is child.

She is 33. He'll be 33 this week.

"I think we're kind of right on that line," she said recently, as they sat at their dining room table. The table is covered with adoption forms, books with titles like "My Family, My Journey" and plastic covers for electrical sockets.

"We're comfortable," she said. "Things are good. If we waited any longer I think we'd say . . ."

"I don't want to be an old person that has no family," Josh said, interrupting her. "I'm done collecting stuff, or whatever it is that people do."

Since they first began on the paperwork with an agency in Lancaster in October, Michelle's life has largely revolved around paperwork. And more paperwork. The adoption kit involves fingerprints in triplicate, home inspections and financial inquiries. Some of the forms require other forms to be filled out, mailed and responded to in advance.

The couple is compiling a dossier about themselves, which can't have a single stray pen mark or staple out of place or it will be returned.

"I triple-check everything," Michelle said.

Josh shrugged and laughed. "I'm not worried."

Then, the whole mess has to be translated into Bulgarian.

In the end, all the fees for the lawyers, the adoption agencies and everything could cost about ,000. How much of that they'll have to pay isn't certain -- there are tax breaks and different financial aid options.

The couple is physically capable of having a child.

"I want to do it this way," Josh said.

A few years ago, he taught kindergarten in Baltimore. Many of his students had been victims of abuse and neglect. After work, he and Michelle talked about ways to rescue them.

"If you can help somebody, you should help them," Josh said. "It's the right thing to do."

They toyed for a while with the idea of being foster parents and decided instead to adopt. And overseas adoption was the most alluring, because it minimizes the possibility that the former parent will have a change of mind and attempt to regain custody.

They settled on Bulgaria for a variety of reasons -- costs are lower and the process seems to fit them better.

"In Kazakhstan, they eat boiled horse," Josh said, laughing.

People adopting abroad can either have a child referred to them by an agency, or they can pick a child themselves. In the case of a referral, the couple lists criteria which they will accept. The process can take longer until a child is available that meets that criteria.

The Seitzers are open to a child with mild to moderate special needs. They will accept a child up to 6 years old.

There are times when it doesn't seem real. Sometimes weeks and months can drag by while the Seitzers wait for this agency or that official to send back a scrap of paper in the mail.

Michelle spends a lot of time looking at a website that shows available children. She probably shouldn't -- there's no way of knowing who might be available when. But she looks anyway.

Preparing for the child is difficult. The Seitzers don't know if they'll need a nursery or a room for an older child, whether to decorate for a boy or a girl. They've redone a spare bedroom complete with a Bulgarian-style banner.

On Wednesday, Michelle went shopping for toys and books to decorate the room. As she shopped, she felt excited. She wanted to tell everyone in the room that she was buying things for her child.

"It started to hit me," she said. "We're going to read these books with them. It did start hitting me. There's going to be a real living child holding this at some point."

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